TPDHBTA: Bad Breath

Alright so lately I've started this series of chats called "Things that people don't have the balls to talk about", aka, TPDHBTA. Throughout my life experiences I've come to observe various things that quietly tear people apart, or greatly irritate us, but people just don't have the courage to openly discuss it, and I just refuse to believe that there aren't solutions to these things.

Today we sit down to chat with Shaniqua (name disguised to protect identity):

Juan: Dear representative of all female human beings
Girl: ahhahahah...wat the
Juan: what is the best way to tell a girl that her breath is kickin'
Girl: HAHAHAHAHA
Juan: 50% of all my girlfriends have had stanky breath problems that were quite disturbing, and i never knew how to tell them
Juan: And I' don't mean to insult them or anything because we've all suffered this before. It's just that there must be a way to openly talk about it.
Girl: be likee, hey gf!!! u want some yummy gum
Juan: yea but see, i cant do that everytime i see them
Girl: wait, ur real gfs!?
Juan: yes, in reeeeal life
Girl: HAHAHAHAH
Girl: ur soo meannn
Juan: SEE
Juan: WHY AM I MEAN?
Juan: its not my fault that they have bad breath
Juan: and its not because they dont brush their teeth
Juan: it's because they dont drink enough water and they dont eat right.
Juan: i think girls just dont drink water sometimes b/c they dont want to pee.
Juan: i mean, u can brush and floss all day long, but it wont help if you dont drink enough water and eat right
Girl: maybe u should be like "lets go eat"
Girl: just keeep feeding them foood
Juan: one of my korean gfs drank pepsi all day instead of water....and i couldnt even kiss her
Girl: HAHAHAH
Girl: u should be like
Girl: honey..u need to drink more water
Girl: or u will shrink
Girl: so u will grow taller
Juan: that might be the most retarded thing I've ever heard
Juan: so i should just make up some stupid lie? comon...
Girl: or y dont u eat gum and just offer her one too
Juan: dude i cant make my gf chew gum everytime i see her
Juan: and what if she turns it down
Girl: welll...thats the only way
Juan: the only way!??
Girl: if she turns it down, give her a fruit
Juan: wtf
Juan: a fruit??
Girl: HAHAHAH
Girl: like an orange
Girl: or a mango
Juan: so ur telling me i need to carry around mangos and gum in my pocket
Girl: i dont believe u
Girl: HAHAHAHAH
Juan: im not lying, it was so annoying
Girl: i dont believe that ur gf has bad breath
Girl: or u wouldnt date them in the first place
Juan: dude one time we were sitting in the car
Juan: and she started talking on the phone while i was driving
Girl: it stinked up the whole car?
Juan: YES it was AWFUL
Juan: i blasted the AC just so i could drive properly
Girl: hahahaha
Juan: obviously when i first met them i didnt know about their breath problems
Juan: but i guess the more time you spend with them
Juan: and the closer u get to their mouth
Juan: the more u smell
Girl: omggg
Juan: see its things like these that come between people
Girl: ahahahahah
Girl: soo funny
Juan: and u can never talk about it
Juan: and it just silently tears ppl apart
Juan: and i refuse to believe there isnt a solution
Girl: welll i think u should just tell them honestly
Girl: i would sit down and be like, "we need to talk", serious talking
Girl: sit down, hav a notepad, and then tell her wats the problem
Girl: then on the notepad
Girl: list of things that she can do to help w/ her breath
Girl: 1. please dirnk 8 glasses of water
Girl: 2. please eat veggies and fruits
Girl: 3. please brush ur teeeth after every meal
Girl: 4. please carry some gums
Girl: 5. please use mouthwash
Juan: omg
Girl: 6. please check ur breath b4 u talk to me
Juan: well i tried something like that and it doesnt work. They get sad or defensive or hurt.
Girl: are u making this up
Girl: hahahaha
Juan: NO
Juan: im 100% telling the truth
Girl: i mean if ur breath isnt smelling so good, shouldnt they know, like when they start talking
Girl: cant they smell it from their upperlip?
Girl: hahahahahhahaha
Juan: i guess not
Juan: people get used to their own smells
Girl: sighhhh, or just offer them diff things
Girl: hav a bag of candies, say its ur favorite
Girl:so u would like to carry it around
Girl: or maybe if u eat candy or chew gum
Girl: u cant smell theirs
Girl: but ur own
Juan: that is ridiculous
Juan: so i have to transform into the Candy Man just to protect myself from my gf's stanky ass breath!?
Girl: YUPPP
Girl: that sounds like a really good plan
Girl: u should try it out
Juan: wow, thanks for nothing...

Verdict: Unresolved

Feel free to post your thoughts anonymously in the comments section.
Thank you, and I wish you all freshly breathed significant others.